


Try to Forget

by ElwritesFanworks



Series: Higgins wants the 'D' [2]
Category: Magnum P.I. (TV)
Genre: Affection, Age Difference, Amnesia, Angst, Confessions, Drabble, Episode Related, Hypnotism, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 02, Temptation, Vietnam War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 23:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1446148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElwritesFanworks/pseuds/ElwritesFanworks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Try to Remember (S2E14) episode fic</p><p>With Magnum under hypnosis, Higgins faces his demons...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try to Forget

* * *

Higgins swears he will never admit that he worries when Magnum insists on pursuing the Joni Green case, just as he'd never admit to having waited up all night for news from the hospital when he'd received word that the Ferrari had careened off a cliff. He maintains distance, talking of insurance and payment, and doesn't give voice to the raw terror that had gripped him when he thought the detective would no longer be around to annoy him.

He doesn't seek out an opportunity to hypnotize the younger man, but when it becomes clear that Magnum wants his memory back, he shares his quick fix. Magnum is doubtful, of course, looking at him with such skepticism it's almost insulting, but a countdown later and he's sitting, eyes shut, unguarded and vulnerable.

Higgins had been afraid of that.

He'd been afraid for longer than he'd known he'd have to put him under, because Magnum is always getting into scrapes and Higgins has always expected that the time would come when he'd have Robin Masters’ house guest at his mercy.

Higgins considers himself to be a man of good breeding and education - a gentleman - much too civilized to even entertain the thought of taking advantage of such a situation, yet the fear remains. He's seen men succumb to their own savagery before, sometimes in the heat of battle, sometimes in embrace of some dark-eyed beauty. He'd seen the most upstanding of people crumble in the face of temptation.

Higgins has always been proud that he'd managed to keep a level head in life - relatively speaking. He doesn't have an army of children with women all over the colonies; he doesn't get randy whenever he fires a gun like that one unhealthy chap he served with in Italy. He had taken the job at the Estate under the assumption that such a quiet existence would spell an end to further confrontations of such base lusts.

He'd not expected temptation to find him here, in the form of a lanky, back-talking American with dimples and eyes that showed his every thought and a heart the size of the Mainland.

At first, being assaulted by his own wants had upset him, but by now Higgins is familiar with it. At his age, it's not as common as it once was to be assuaged by his libido, but when the urge arises, as it were, it's Magnum on his mind. He's even stopped feeling guilty about it, simply suppressing it along with his worries and his affection. It's easier that way.

And now, Magnum's in front of him, helpless, and for a moment, he's terrified of what he might do.

He gets ahold of himself quickly, reminds himself of what kind of man he is, of what kind of monster he'd be if he crossed any of the lines he'd drawn. Honestly, he doubts he'd have the stomach to pose any sort of real threat to the detective. Still, he's wary, even as he guides Magnum through his memories.

When Magnum mentions the VC, Higgins can't help but clasp his shoulder, to steady him. He has his own share of horrors - he understands. It's as he soothes him that the impulse overtakes him.

He doesn't do anything obscene or repugnant. He doesn't press his lips to Magnum's brow or hold him close. He just speaks to him, softly, as the younger man shakes, tormented by the evils that lurk in the jungles in his mind.

Higgins says it all, then, the things he'd swore he'd never say. The small things first, that he's not always as angry as he pretends to be, that he doesn't mind when Magnum loafs about half-dressed, that he occasionally puts old wine labels onto cheaper bottles when he thinks it's about time the detective breaks into the cellar again. He lists off the things he's fond of - Magnum's kindness, most of all, and his sense of justice, and even his humor, to an extent. His hair, his smile, his broad shoulders, his strong thighs, his voice.

He tells Magnum he really does care, that it was not the Ferrari that kept him waiting by the phone all night.

He tells him all the things he can't even bear to think - calls him endearments he's used before, on occasion, most recently with Miss Chapman. Words he's never said to a man, though there have been times where he'd wanted to. He admits to that, too, confesses that he'd never dare tell Magnum, if he weren't under hypnosis.

He takes a breath, and shuts his eyes, and tells Magnum he loves him.

When he opens his eyes, Magnum is calm, the threat of the VC forgotten, and for a moment, Higgins feels lighter than air.

Then, slowly, he retreats, and with a sigh, he breaks the silence.

"When you open your eyes, you will remember nothing of what I told you. You will only recall details which pertain to the Green case, or to Vietnam. You will forget everything else we talked about."

He breaks the hypnosis then, and Magnum does.


End file.
